Gronk is name. Me. I Gronk. I monster. I live under bed of horrible little girl. Her name Sophia. Her bad. Her kick doggie when no one looking. Her burn Barbie hair and then say sister did it. Sister is two! Sophia bad.
DEAR GRONK
CHILD BLAME SISTER, IS NORMAL. CHILD LIKE FIRE, IS NATURAL. BARBIE BURN, OPPRESSIVE PATRIARCHY TOOL. TOO MUCH LEG. SEE NO PROBLEM HERE.
BURO
No sleep for Gronk. Gronk afraid of Sophia. Maybe Sophia burn Gronk! Maybe Sophia buy — buy acid! And put it under bed! One time before, Sophia put MOUSE trap under bed. Gronk missing toe now. Sophia sleep like horrible happy baby thing. Sophia is dream probably of feeding glass shards to nice sister. BAD Sophia.
DEAR GRONK
NO CARE THAT MISSING TOE. WHO NEED TOE? MONSTER BETTER IF MAIMED ANYWAY. MORE SCARE. FOCUS SCARE, PLEASE. TRY BETTER.
BURO
Gronk is try focus scare. Wait for very darkness. Slide, shaking, from under bed and touch toe stump to Sophia arm. Sophia GRAB Gronk! Sophia LAUGH! Sophia lick suppurating toe wound with horrible slimy tongue! Gronk scuttle back under bed. Gronk cry until sun rises.
DEAR GRONK,
NO CRY! VERY DARKNESS MAKE MONSTER STRONG, BOLD. NO CRY! GRONK NEED READ HANDBOOK AGAIN. GRONK NOT TRIED BEATING CHILD WITH OWN LIMB. GRONK NOT USED SHADOW PUPPET. GRONK NOT WHISPER TRUE FACTS ABOUT MAINSTREAM MEDIA TO SOPHIA. SURE SCARE THEN.
BURO
Gronk strong. Gronk so strong make self watch Fox News. Gronk sweating! Gronk strain to run away! But Gronk watch! And whisper, whisper, fate of sweet baby polar bears to sleep Sophia. So blood, so whimpers. Sophia open sparkle big eyes. Sophia whisper, “I should put you on a leash and take you to school.” Gronk voice dry up. Gronk slink away.
DEAR GRONK,
YOU IS WATCH FOX BUT NOT INGRAHAM, GRONK NOT KNOW REAL TERROR. HUMAN FEAR THINGS THAT NOT AFFECT, LIKE IMMIGRANTS PICK FRUIT AND GAY MARRIED. HUMAN NOT FEAR DEAD BEARS! HONEST, GRONK, IS YOU EVEN TRY?
BURO
Gronk ask for transfer. Gronk say “Boy next door, please? Twins across street, please?”
DEAR GRONK
WHY IS YOU APPLY TRANSFER AGAIN? SOPHIA YOUR GIRL. IF SOPHIA BAD, SCARE SOPHIA. NO MORE SOPHIA SCARE YOU. IS NOT HOW WE DO. WE MONSTER. WE BUMP IN NIGHT. WE BUMP IN DAY. TRY BETTER.
BURO
P.S. SUPERVISOR CHECK YOU.
Supervisor Agares dead. Dead! Dead! Dead! Sophia take one look at flaming eyes, at maggots falling from mouth, at skeletal wings. Sophia look at Agares bottom—see face where bottom should be—and Sophia say, “I have a Care Bears T-shirt just for you.”
Agares—who only for watching! Who only for checking! Who have little maggot-mouth toddler at fiery den with own budding bum-face!—does not run fast enough and—and—after, Care Bears T-shirt covering Agares, and Agares scream last words, Sophia turn to Gronk and say, “BOO.”
DEAR GRONK
WE CRY, AGARES DEAD. AGARES GOOD MONSTER, WITH DELIGHT BUM-FACE. WE WRONG. SOPHIA TRUE MONSTER. SOPHIA SO BAD EVEN OLDEST BADDEST MONSTER NOT TAKE CASE.
SPECIAL SOPHIA. VERY PUZZLE, WHAT DO?
BURO
P.S. YOU THINK SOPHIA WORK FOR US? TEACH MUCH.
Gronk is screaming! Screaming! AHHHH! Screaming! You think BABY POLAR BEARS bad? SCREAMING! SCREAMING!
DEAR SOPHIA,
WOULD LIKE OFFER JOB. NICE BENEFITS, NICE BONUSES.
CRAWL TO WORK SCHEME. VERY GREEN COMPANY. KEEP FRIEND CLOSE, KEEP ENEMY CLOSER, HAHA. UNLESS YOU THINK NOT FUNNY.
BURO
 |
Lindz McLeod is a queer, working-class, Scottish writer and editor who dabbles in the surreal. Her short prose has been published by Apex, Catapult, Pseudopod, and many more. Her longer work includes the short story collection TurduckenTurducken (Spaceboy, 2023), as well as her novels Beast (Hear Us Scream, 2023), Sunbathers (Hedone Books, 2024), A Floral Arrangement (Harlequin, 2025), and An Honour and a Privilege (Stanchion, 2025). Her work has been taught in schools, universities, and turned into avant-garde opera. She is a full member of the SFWA, the club president of the Edinburgh Writers’ Club, and is currently studying for a PhD in Creative Writing.
|