Horoscopes (Summer 2014)

Aries: (March 21—April 19)
Remember, no man is an island. Except, of course, for Krakoa, the island that walks like a man! To battle, X-Men!

Taurus: (April. 20—May 20)
Don’t read too much into changes at work. That’s where the Necronomicon‘s last copyeditor went so terribly wrong.

Gemini: (May 21—June 21)
Some people make their own luck. And some people work a grueling ten-hour day in the corporate-owned luck factories downtown. No shame in that, my friend.

Cancer: (June 22—July 22)
Just remember this: never bring a knife to a pillow fight.

Leo: (July 23—Aug. 22)
He who pays the piper calls the tune. But seriously, dude, “Freebird” again?

Virgo: (Aug. 23—Sept. 22)
In the end, you’ll find that you really are Jack of all trades, Beastmaster of none.

Libra: (Sept. 23—Oct. 23)
The universe has got some good news and some bad news. Luckily, it’s also got some Huey Lewis and the News. (Seriously, Sports is kind of an underrated album.)

Scorpio: (Oct. 24—Nov. 21)
Don’t put all your eggs in one basket. When the deadly xenomorphs hatch from them, that will just be asking for trouble.

Sagittarius: (Nov. 22—Dec. 21)
You can say you watched c-beams glitter in the dark near the Tannhäuser Gate all you want, buddy, but pictures or it didn’t happen.

Capricorn: (Dec 22—Jan 19)
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie…well, that’s probably a terrible global catastrophe, which will wipe out all life as we know it. But sure, let’s call it “amore.”

Aquarius: (Jan. 20—Feb. 18)
If you should ever lose interest in what you are doing, it’s a sure sign that blah blah blah, moon sun stars or something.

Pisces: (Feb. 19—March 20)
Klaatu barada nikto? Fuggedaboutit!

(Cartoon by Norman Jung)

Norman Jung has always wanted to be a cartoonist. He made his first sale to Home Life magazine while serving in the Air Force. After he was discharged, he studied commercial art and earned a BA at San Jose State University. Then he worked as an advertising artist for 3 newspapers. He has been a freelance cartoonist for over 20 years.