“The Man Who Was Perfect in All Ways” by Marge Simon

“The Man Who Was Perfect in All Ways” by Marge Simon

His navel lint hosted sentient microorganisms. Women found it magnetic. Sometimes he had to shake the lady off before going to the bathroom.

Gynecologists pronounced his sperm most handsome. ” Beautifully groomed” was their term for it, though none could find reference for such in their texts.

His breath was as lotus and honey except when talking with other men. Then it resounded like his voice, a whiff of woodsmoke or sea breeze, the air of high peaked mountains. Perhaps cigars or gin, depending on his company.

Never did he appear unkempt unless everyone else was also unkempt.
Never did he slur his words, unless everyone else did too.

He attended a church. Nobody knew which church. But he was devout, they all swore it.

When he died, the world mourned.
They had a special service for his navel.

Marge Simon’s works appear in publications such as Bete Noire, Niteblade, DailySF Magazine, Silver Blade, Dreams & Nightmares. She edits a column for the HWA Newsletter and serves as Chair of the Board of Trustees. She has won the Strange Horizons Readers Choice Award, the Bram Stoker Award™ (2008, 2012), the Rhysling Award, and the Dwarf Stars Award. Collections: Like Birds in the Rain, Unearthly Delights, The Mad Hattery, Vampires, Zombies & Wanton Souls, and Dangerous Dreams. Member HWA, SFWA, SFPA. www.margesimon.com.